And she surfaces

Where have I been?  I don’t really know.   I’ve been right here.
All I know do is my life flashes by and I glance at my blog and realize I haven’t posted since November 5th.  Oh, forgive me sweet blog readers… if there are any blog readers still out there.

But even though I haven’t blogged all about it,  my life has been going on.  I have been parenting, cooking, and potty training… 
I have been half- homeschooling, and managing all the creative energies that build up in this house of 5 1/2.   I have had moments of triumph and trial recently… but just not a lot of motivation to blog about it all.

Then why do I feel so guilty about not blogging?
Is it because I feel I owe you something?  Maybe because I know that “real” blog gers blog every day and I tried to be one of those for a while--- and I just couldn’t keep up with it.   I wanted so badly to be “one of them” for a while.  To have a voice… a platform, an influence.

Maybe I feel guilty because it’s like some sign that I don’t have much to blog about.  Is my life so mundane?  Will you think my life is boring?  Will you even want to read my blog anymore??

I feel for some weird reason I have let someone down.  

Or maybe I feel exposed--- finally, all can see I can’t get it all done.  She isn’t super mom.   She can’t even find time to blog. 
And how can I encourage you to press on in mothering when I can’t even encourage myself to do that joyfully?? 

Maybe you can’t relate to the pressure to blog…
        But do you ever feel like this on Facebook? 
I have no Disney pictures to share, my kids didn’t say anything cute and adorable today, my husband didn’t surprise me with a romantic dinner out.   Maybe my life isn’t as great as “sally’s”. 

So you scan the statuses and just can’t think of anything to say…and you don’t want to be a Debbie Downer or Complaining Cathy… so you don’t update your status at all. 


Friends---  those awesome blogs that fill our Google Reader.  They aren’t perfect either.  Yes, they are great blogs, and they have great things to say…but they aren’t perfect. They don’t love their kids perfectly or enjoy their days all the time.  Their lives aren’t one perfectly knit together fairytale.   Yet if you are like me, you read those blogs with half a heart to learn and be encouraged, and the other half of your heart finishes reading and you walk away discontent, comparing your life, your parenting, your house, your craftiness, etc. 

So I am surfacing today to say I don’t want to compare myself to them, or to you.  I put all these expectations on myself that I just can’t meet.  Instead of comparing myself and critiquing my life to pieces… I am going to be me.  Flaws and all… imperfect mother, not so tidy household, without a meal plan in sight (at least this week).   But I do know what we are having for dinner tonight… see there I go again, trying to make you think I have it together.  
I don’t have it together… really, what I need to do is get off this computer and actually start cooking the dinner that you think I have so strategically planned for.

And realistically…You probably think none of those things above.   But the expectations I put on myself and the image I want so badly to portray, assumes you must think those things.  You must think I am a total let down.  When in reality, you probably are thinking
“Umm, you’re a mom of 3 and pregnant, and while we love when you blog, we don’t expect anything from you”

So thanks.  Thanks for being faithful friends.  And letting me be me.  A mom.  Who is currently swamped in this call to motherhood. 
When the fog clears a bit… I'll try to blog about it.  Or maybe I shouldn’t wait till the fog clears, cause maybe it never will.  And maybe you want a foggy blogger.  Blogging about the realities of the fog… 


Ok.  My moment of blog therapy is over.  I really need to go make dinner now.   

Happy mothering friends… the fog is worth it. 

“Am I now trying to win the approval of men,or of God?
Or am I trying to please men?  If I were still trying
to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ” 
                 Galatians 1:10


“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving
for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”   
                       2 Corinthians 4:17

Drawing Near…

This is a song we’ve been singing in church recently.

It’s a new song to us, written by modern hymn writers Keith and Kristyn Getty.  Their talent to bring God’s truth to life through music is remarkably encouraging and has helped us to worship deeply.

 

 

As a mom, I find my time in God’s word limited--- I find my morning schedule very unpredictable, never knowing if a child will wake at 7:00 or 6:00 that morning.   I long for God to speak to me, yet too often I allow the busy-ness of my day and my never ending to-do list to crowd Him out.   Is it that He just isn’t speaking, or could it be that I am not really listening??

Since becoming a mom I have clung to the verse 
     “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you”   James 4:8

It isn’t always easy to draw near to God as a mom with 3 little ones all around.  But our drawing near doesn’t have to be merely a physical drawing near.   I daily need the reminder that God is present and He longs for me to invite Him into my day, and to sit at His feet.

• Am I drawing near to God in my heart?  Do I long to know God’s truth?
  
• Am I allowing myself time to read His word…even if it is a brief
  time? Could I wake earlier, make more use of evening/nap time?
  
• Do I believe that God’s word holds truths for me that I need to hear?
  
• How can I find ways to draw near to God throughout the day? To actually allow my self to hear from Him and His Word?

 

This song is a cry of my heart. 
A cry for God to Speak through His word.  To comfort me with His Holy promises, to feed me with the bread of life.  To plant His truth deep in me, to fashion me in His likeness.  That the world around me… and more importantly these precious little children around me… would see the light of Christ shining so bright in their mommy.  In my acts of love and deeds of faith. 

 

Speak, Oh Lord…. Speak to me today. 
It may not always be easy, but I will draw near to You today.
Because I need Your word planted deeply in me.


How do you draw near to God?

I would love if you shared how you manage to take in God’s word throughout the day (especially from moms of little children) or if you have any specific verses or promises that are encouraging you lately.