Gentleness

What a better time to talk about Gentleness than Christmas…
What, you ask?  What does Gentleness have to do with Christmas??
(Other than the fact that I need to wrap this Fruit of the Spirit series up by the end of the year)

Well, I think it has a lot to do with Christmas.   Because to tell you the truth, i have a very hard time being Gentle.  I am snappy, and irritable, easily frustrated, and very impatient.  Gentle wouldn’t be the first thing written about me in my obituary. 

But there is something about Christmas…
All the Hustle and Bustle that makes me even more irritable.
I long to enjoy this season and truly worship the King…but my list is longer than the hours in the day, and gosh darn-it we are going to make memories if it kills us. 

And then I stop, and remind myself…. what this is all about. 
Jesus.
It’s not about me. 

And as others around me are stressing about the perfect present, or hosting the perfect holiday dinner, or sending the perfect “best picture on the block” Christmas card… I can let the peace of Christ which Dwells in my heart overflow to those around me. 

And I think one of the greatest Christmas Gifts I can give to those around me is the gift of Gentleness…. 

I can show Gentleness….to strangers.
  I can model Gentleness… to my children.  
I can extend Gentleness… to my husband.

“Let your Gentleness be evident to all”  Philippians 4:5

I do not want my family to remember Christmas as the most stressful time of the year.  More importantly, I don’t want my children to remember me as a stressed out, irritable mommy that loses her temper at the first sign of spilled milk.

I want my Gentleness to be evident to all…
the Gentleness that only comes from Christ.

So, how are you doing living out the Fruit of the Spirit in your home?  
Perhaps we can meditate on the Fruit of The Spirit today, and remind ourselves why Jesus was born in the manger all those years ago….

He came
That we might experience true…

Love

Joy

Peace

Patience

Kindness

Goodness

Faithfulness

Gentleness

Self Control

If the Galatians passage on Fruit of the Spirit isn’t enough for you, check out Colossians 3:12 and 1 Timothy 6:11… 
Paul sure did like hitting home the state of our heart, and these fruits being evident in our lives. 

May you enjoy the next few days preparing for the Greatest day of all!

Oh come all Ye Faithful...

Faithfulness...

What a unique season to be discussing that. 

(catch up here on the other Fruit of the Spirit)

O Come All Ye Faithful

Joyful and triumphant,

O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem.

Come and behold Him,

Born the King of Angels;

O come, let us adore Him,

O come, let us adore Him,

O come, let us adore Him,

Christ the Lord!!

What does it mean to be faithful?  How to we live out faithfulness in our parenting to our children. 

 

Hebrews 11:1 tells us that

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see"

 

I have always defined faith as

"Believing that God is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do" 

 

I think the First place we should start is by meditating on Faithfulness of God to us.  We will have a hard time growing in our faithfulness to Him and others if we do not understand His great faithfulness to us. 

He will never leave or forsake us

He has a plan for us and our Good

He Loves us so much that he sent Jesus as a propitiation for our Sins

If you have a hard time coming up with reasons God is faithful (and admittingly, sometimes it is hard to believe He is faithful)  I recommend spending some time meditating on the names of God. 

I think they second way we can live out faithfulness is by showing our deep faith in God.  I think the Christmas carol is true...Oh Come Let us Adore Him!  Am I letting my children see me worship the Almighty?  Am I being joyful and triumphant as I praise Him? 

Third, I think we can consider our faithfulness to God.   So many people want to avoid this.  "It's all about Grace, and not works" they say.  By no means do I think we can do anything to earn salvation.  But God gives us plenty of commands in the Bible, and we have the choice to obey them or ignore them.   If you have a saving faith in Jesus, then the Holy Spirit lives inside of you, and daily we can choose holiness over sin.

Lastly (though there are many more ways to live out faithfulness),  I think we can live out faithfulness to our children by displaying these qualities of God to them.  I have heard it said many times that parents are the first picture of God children see.  We provide for them, we love them unconditionally, we discipline them, we are their authority.  We can show them our faithfulness to them.  They know we will be here for them.  Do my children know that?  Am I being true to my word with what I say to them?  After a challenging day of tantrums and sibling rivalry am I showering them with my love?

So come all ye faithful... Come let us adore Him!

Don't forget the Fruit this Thanksgiving...

I promise Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control are coming...

But this week I am busy Devouring turkey, avoiding Black Friday shopping, enjoying my family, and still looking for the match to this shoe...

But believe me...
I am trying to live out Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness and Goodness  (and faithfulness, gentleness, and self control) this week in my parenting.  What kind of Fruit will you be serving up this Thanksgiving? 

And I don't mean on the table, either!

Kindness and Goodness....

Continuing on with the Fruit of the Spirit Series...today we have Kindness and Goodness,  I have enjoyed looking at and meditating on the Fruit of the Spirit and challenging myself to grow in these areas in my own life and especially in my parenting. 

I feel like these fruits of the spirit are tricky.  Of course we are Kind and Good to our children right??

Here are a few synonyms for Kindness....

Kindness-- compassion, generosity, affection, benevolence, charity, clemency, consideration, courtesy,  forbearance, gentleness, good intention, good will, goodness, grace, graciousness, heart, helpfulness, hospitality, humanity, indulgence, mildness, patience, sweetness, sympathy, tenderness, thoughtfulness, tolerance, understanding, unselfishness

Yikes!

Let's look at Goodness...

Goodness-- decency, excellence, benefit, benevolence, friendliness, generosity, good will, grace, graciousness, honesty, honor, humaneness, integrity, kindheartedness, kindliness, kindness, mercy, merit, morality, nourishment, quality, righteousness, rightness, value, virtue, wholesomeness, worth

Ouch!

I wasn't so much convicted by these 2 fruits of the spirit as I was challenged.  Because I do not think I am a mean, evil,  indecent, wicked, barbarous or cruel (all the antonyms to the above words) mother...though I certainly have had my moments. 

I am challenged by the list above to lavish MORE love, kindness, and goodness on my children.  I remember reading in Disciplines of a Godly Family (Kent and Barbara Hughes) that they had a tradition of randomly waking their children up and going to get Ice Cream in their PJs.    Not as a reward, not because their children "earned it", just because they love them.   How I long to create memories like that!

I admit that too often the "good gifts" I lavish on my children are rewards or bribes.  We have so much fun when we surprise our children with a special trip to get ice cream, to the arcade, to the "donut shop" or on a Daddy date.  The joy and excitement in their eyes is priceless.  And it means so much more when we lavish love on them just because they are our children... not because of something they have done.

I confess that often I am harsh and snap at my children...  You can all gasp now.  Yes...I snap.  Yes... I lose my temper.   Let me share something that happened the other night.  I was busy cleaning up the table, and Charlotte was underneath my feet the entire time.  In a split second we both moved at the same time and I stepped on her little finger with a big leather clog!  And I admit that I did not respond with compassion, sympathy, or tenderness. Rather, my response was "what are you doing?  if you weren't on the floor, you wouldn't have gotten stepped on... everybody out of the kitchen NOW"  

Tell me you've had a moment like that too?

It didn't take long for me to feel terrible about how I had responded.  She is just a little person, whose little finger was in a lot of pain.  And in that moment I missed an opportunity to lavish loving kindness and goodness on her.  Should she have been on the floor right under my feet?  No.   But I should have first comforted her before I corrected her.  

I don't always want to be the "No" mom.  Of course there are SO many times when we need to say no.  But what is it going to hurt them if we let them have ice cream for snack every once in a while... if we let them stay up late to see friends...if we let them plaster our walls with artwork... or destroy the play room by getting EVERY single toy out of its place.  If I stop for a moment and look at the world through their eyes, it helps me to have more kindness and goodness towards them and to enjoy them more.  Life really can be loads of fun...  And life would be more fun if I weren't so uptight about things.   

Isn't God like this? 
He lavishes such good gifts on us.  He does not treat us as we deserve.  He looks at us, and sees His precious children....and despite what we have or haven't done, He overwhelms us with Kindness and Goodness. 

Do you see the Fruits of the Spirit Building on each other?  If I am Loving God and others well, it leads me to Joy...If I create an environment of Peace in my home and in my heart, I have a much better chance of being Patient.  If I am more Patient, I will be able to live out more Kindness and Goodness. 

I see that Juicy fruit growing more and more, don't you? 

This week I am going to try and overlook the small things and try to practice a little more kindness and goodness with my children... I am going to surprise my kids with something special too.   Like Chocolate milk, or a trip to the donut shop... or maybe a trip to the dollar store (where they can by ANYTHING in the store)

What are you going to do??

How is it....

That the people who I love the most...also annoy me the most. 

Patience

Find some today at a local grocer near you. 

Holy Spirit... we need a clean up on aisle 8.

Oh, how I wish it were that easy.  I find my myself more patient with strangers in the grocery store than I do my own family.   I just don't want to make any one upset, you know.  Of course you can go ahead of me in line... don't mind me and my 3 screaming llamas. 

But when it comes to dealing with those 3 screaming llamas, I am sad to admit... my patience wears thin. 

These 3 little lives that have been entrusted to me...sometimes I am just terribly annoyed by how non adult they are. I mean...they are so adolescent and immature.  How accident prone they are.  How they do not know that the "B" says "Buh".  Really....  I guess I just expect to birth these fully functioning people who are perfect in every way.    Yet, if they were perfect in every way, then they wouldn't need me, their Mama Llama, to shepherd their way. 

A few things that test my patience....

-Spills.... spilled cereal, milk, bathwater, lotion...you name it, we've spilled it.

-A certain unnamed child who can't figure out which shoe goes on the correct foot

-Same certain child who cannot figure out how to pedal a bike (probably due to the fact that her shoes are on the wrong feet)

-Whining... Just the other day I made a certain male child of mine stop, breath and ask me again for a cup of juice, and I was Floored!  The child actually has a darling sweet voice and he can actually enunciate his words when he wants to. Imagine that! 

-Children who have to go potty right after we leave the house (after I asked them to go) or who have to go potty right when we sit down to eat.

-And the baby...what could I possibly be impatient with her about you ask??  She is pretty cute... but she always needs to eat and poop at very inconvenient times...I mean, really?  :)   And let's not talk about her multiple night wakings... I promise never to claim to be an expert in sleep training. 

I find myself constantly impatient.  

I was totally convicted recently when I was pouring juice for one of the children and the cup just slipped and juice went everywhere.  Now I didn't snap at myself, or put myself in time out.   I was so quick to forgive myself, as this was obviously an accident.  Of course I deserve a little grace.  Yet if one of them had spilled that juice just seconds later, I would have been so upset.

But my children...don't they deserve Grace too?  Don't they deserve a mommy who is patient with them.  If I want them to grow into strong independent adults, I need to let them figure things out...and that means a lot of mistakes, accidents, and failures along the way.  I want my children to feel the freedom that I feel... that mistakes happen and they don't have to feel ashamed of accidents. 

Now there are some situations where disobedience is in play. But a parenting book I once read talked about being careful to distinguish the difference between disobedience and childishness.  I admit I can get so frustrated with things that are just kids being plain silly. 

When I consider how patient God is with me.... with all the things I still haven't figured out yet.  He could be SO frustrated thinking "Hello, do you not get it??"  But He isn't.  With an outstretched arm, His loving kindness endures forever! (Psalm 136:12)

I want my children to be obedient and to do as I say...but I don't want little robots. Or soldiers who are afraid to fall out of line in a drill routine.  I want Grace to abound.  And the only way for me to create this in our home is for me to believe that God's grace abounds for me...for all my faults, failures, and weaknesses.  He is strong where I am weak.  And His grace covers multitude of sins. 

Ephesians 4:2 instructs us to
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient with one another, bearing with one another in love."

Instead of us snapping at our children to slow down, settle down, or hurry up, get it right....How about we slow down, take a breath, count to 3 in our heads...and give them a moment to be children.  Ask if this is an obedience issue or a childish issue.  And respond humbly and gently...

What would my parenting look like if I really did live out Ephesians 4:2?  

What about You??  Who are your "one anothers"  And what will it take for you  to "bear with them in love"?

Struggling with you to be a more patient mother. 
Now I have to go....another clean up is needed on aisle 8.

Patience...

Is a virtue.

So... just be patient...

and I promise to write a little post on patience soon.

Now let me just go figure out how to be patient, and I will get back to you in about 50 years.
At this rate it might take that long to get through all the Fruits of the Spirit...

Thanks for your patience...I have to go tend to my three little "patients" now. (oh, wrong patience, sorry)

See...you are already growing in this!

Joy and Peace...or Sorrowful Chaos??

Diving in today with these 2 Fruits of the Spirit....

*I fully admit that I have not posted this for days and days due to the fact that I do not believe I am living out Joy and Peace as much as I should be. I believe what I have written below, but believing it and living it out is SO different. But this is what I strive for...

So, How do I practice Joy and Peace in my parenting??

Joy...

Something I learned years ago in college was that JOY does not equal HAPPINESS. I may wake up feeling crabby, my circumstances may be challenging. All my children may be screaming, my fridge may be empty, my laundry overflowing, and Daddy may not be home for another 5 hours... but I can still choose to be Joyful.

"The Joy of the Lord is your Strength" Nehemiah 8:10

I am by no means saying put on happy face and grin and bear it. However, I do believe that as moms (especially of young children) we can sometimes dwell on how challenging our life is. And hear me... our life IS challenging! But I want to enjoy it, not just barely survive it!

I believe the key to how we can enjoy and FIND Joy in our days begins with the source of our Joy...and that is in our relationship with Christ. I am convicted that too often I wake up and expect to have a great day without first connected to the Vine.

I desire for my children to experience a Joyful mother, not a woman who begrudgingly gets them up from nap, who grumbles as I fix their snack, and snap at them when I am buckling 3 carseats. I long to be full of Joy as I go about my day with my children.

One application to help us to BE Joyful is to actually practice Rejoicing! Just think about it...There is always something you can rejoice about. Let's take our eyes off ourselves and our circusmtances and put them on God, on all He is doing around us. Think about all He has provided for us, instead of all we still need. If we make a habit of Rejoicing in the Lord, and I think we will find we will become more Joyful!

Peace...

"Seek Peace and pursue it" Psalm 34:14

Is such a thing possible with 3 children 4 and under? Ask me in 10 years.

But really... I do think that Peace and Joy are related somehow. I find that when I am rushed in the morning, when chaos abounds, it is highly unlikely that I will be full of Joy. But when I am organized, when I have a semblance of structure in place...when peace is present in our house...it is a much better day for all.

The first aspect of peace I think is important to look at is the presence of peace...I believe that preparing an environment of peace is my responsibility as a mom. For me, this means "prepping" our house the night before, taking all the shoes, toys, books, etc back to their respective places...even if I know they will all be out in the living room again by 9:00 the next morning. Am I the perfect preparer of peace? No way.... but I believe that if I put more thought into preparing a presence of peace in our home, I would actually feel more peace in my heart throughout the day.

The second aspect is the peace in my heart. We all know the song

"I've got a peace that passes understandin' down in my heart, where?"

In Philippians 4:7 Paul follows up the verse on not being anxious and taking all our requests to God with the promise that "the peace of God, that transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Jesus himself promises "My peace I leave with you; my peace I give you" John 14:27

Well if these are promises, then why is my heart so troubled? Why do I feel like there is NO peace. Isaiah tells us:

"You will keep in perfect peace
him whose mind is steadfast,

because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3

And I am the first to admit that I am not very steadfast, and have a hard time in trusting the Lord. No wonder Paul had to remind us over and over to not be anxious, or to let our hearts be troubled. It is so hard to do. But when spiritually my heart is at peace, then my words and actions and relationships will ooze with peace as well.

"A heart at peace gives life to the body" Proverbs 14:30

Many churches (Episcopal, Lutheran, Anglican) have a time in the service to "pass the peace" Our church does a "congregational greeting" but there is really something warming to your soul when everyone says

""The Peace of God be with you"

"And also with you"

I don't know about you, but perhaps we need to Pass the Peace a little more around our house and not just at church.

So...

- Be Joyful

- Rejoice!

- Live in Peace

- Pass The Peace

Love...

Kicking off the series here discussing the Fruit of the Spirit . Sorry it has taken me so long to dive into this.

My first excuse--The week (hmmm..has it almost been 2 weeks?) Just flew by...Where did the week (er, weeks) go? I had an anniversary, did a billion loads of laundry, went to an all day meeting in Charlotte, came home to more laundry, then was out of town last weekend in DC...and now more laundry. While in DC I remembered...hmmm, I haven't written that post on Love. And I've got joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control to all hit on...So, I better get cracking!

Second excuse-- I just don't want to write about these things. I do not want to be confronted with my own sin and weaknesses in my parenting and I certainly don't want to tell YOU all about it. And I don't want to give all these suggestions on how to live out the Fruit of the Spirit in our parenting, because that means I will actually have to apply those suggestions to my own life!

*Confession--I just want to let you know I ALWAY forget gentleness when I write out the FOS. Why is gentleness so hard for me to remember?
Maybe is because it is the FOS I struggle with THE MOST in my parenting.
And now back to our regular scheduled blog post on....

LOVE

Why would Paul mention Love as the first Fruit of the Spirit? I do not think it was just because it was the first thing he thought of. I think there is a reason he mentioned it first. What does 1 Corinthians tell us? If we have not Love we are a clanging cymbal. And here...Faith, hope, Love... but the greatest of these is Love. Love is of utmost importance... and there is good reason Paul mentions it first. How can we truly live out the rest of the Fruit of the Spirit if we can't Love?

My first application about Love is this...
I cannot love my children well if I am not loving God well. And I cannot love God well if I don't fully accept and believe that He loves me. If you are looking for a book to remind you of God's Lavish love for you, I highly recommend Who I am in Christ by Neal Anderson . This book is always just what I need to remind me of my identity in Christ. My relationship with God must be a priority if I expect to love my children well.

When I was really feeling convicted about my parenting and the lack of spiritual fruit I was producing, I spent some time considering the way I treat my children. Too often the way I treat them is not the way one would or should treat someone they love.

Love is a decision, not a feeling. Of course, we all love our children. But I will write what no mom wants to admit.... there are many moments when I have a hard time loving my children, moments when I don't really like them. When they annoy me, when they don't appreciate me, when the embarrass me. Moments that simply make them difficult children to love.

I want my children to feel loved by me, and for our house and family to be full of love. I want for my children to grow up loving to be around our family. How can I accomplish that? How can I live out Love in a more Christ-like manner towards my children?

Here are my action steps

1--Let them see that I love God

2--Greet them each morning with excitement and joy, not disappointment that they woke up so stinking early. I do have a "no waking before 6:30am" rule for the older ones...well, if they wake they must stay in their beds or cuddle with me. I love greeting them in the morning, at Sunday school, at preschool, etc with excitement and joy telling them how much I missed them (even if I do wish preschool was 9-5 some days)

3--I do not want to be the Abominable NO mom. I will indulge them a little in extra special things just for them. Another cuddle at bedtime instead of a "go to bed, stop talking" A surprise treat... a special movie.

4--Special mommy dates. Wait.... I am with them every day all day, right? Doesn't mommy deserve a mommy ALONE date?? I have seen that my kids LOVE getting to have one on one time with me. But with 3 kids, this can be challenging. David and I take turns often letting the kids have "dates" with mommy or daddy.

5-- Try and make Bedtime a calm time of cuddles and kisses. I am usually drained, Helen is usually screaming, and David is often about to walk out the door to go to campus. Bedtime around here can often be chaotic and I am ready to get the kids sleeping so I can have some "me" time. Taking a breath and making bedtime a moment of peace helps me to center my heart back to what is important...that I love these little llamas so much!

6--Tell them the reasons I love them. I can really dwell on my children's poor behavior. At the end of the day sometimes I forget the cute things they have said or done. It helps to tell them or to jot those moments down. To share them at the dinner table.

Well...there you have it. Love. I promise to not make you wait another 2 weeks for the "Joy" post. I may even throw in some extra posts on Love to spur you on.

What helps you to Love your family well?

The Fruit of the Spirit is....

Last week we were eating breakfast and, being the health conscious mom I am, I was feeding my children.....umm.... fruit loops (they were left over from a craft...I promise). In his most sincere voice ever Carson proclaimed:

"This is the best fruit ever!!"

Obviously, fruit loops are not a fruit. But does Carson know that? If I want my children to be healthy physically, I need to be feeding them the real deal. They will never know what real fruit is if I don't ever give them real fruit. So it is with the Fruit of the Spirit.

What kind of spiritual fruit am I feeding my children??

Love

Joy

Peace

Patience

Kindness

Goodness

Faithfulness

Gentleness

and Self Control

Why is it so hard to exercise the Fruits of the Spirit as a mom? I used to think I had the whole joyful, patience, kindness thing down pretty well. (HA...prideful much?) Then I got Married. That's a whole different post all together on how marriage challenges your character and shines the light on your own sin...sin you had no idea you had.

But then I had children. Oh...how I had no idea the depths of my character faults! I sure am thankful that Grace abounds... because Sin sure is abounding over here and we are in need of MUCH Grace! I was reading through the Fruits of the Spirit recently. Often they sound trite and sing/song like... but oh, how they are no joke!

As I was reading, I kept thinking:

Nope...

uh, missed that one too...

hmmm...definitely not patient....

Fail!

Not me...

Surely I could breath a sigh of relief and be thankful that I exhibited at least 1 fruit of the spirit in my parenting that morning. Right?? And as I read the list I just kept thinking...
"when I read this list I just don't think of me. "
And I was convicted so deeply. I long to be full of the fruit of the spirit. I long to be SO full that is is just overflowing around me!

What do my children think of when they think of me? When they look back on their childhoods will they remember a cranky, tired, impatient, short fused mommy who was always barking at the them to "stop it!" Will they remember all the times I lost my temper?? Will they remember all of my facial expressions showing impatience, frustration, and annoyance?

Is this how I want to be remembered?? Are these the memories I am creating for them? Is this the fruit coming out of our house? More importantly, is this the fruit coming from my heart??

How can I expect my children to be loving and kind, sharing and generous if I am not over flowing with the Fruit of the Spirit? If Christ dwells within me, I want to live out His character to all around me... especially to the little souls in my own home!

There are many challenges that come along with parenting... I just had no clue one of the biggest ones would have nothing to do with sleep schedules, picky eating habits, or skinned knees. The greatest challenge in parenting is not the children...

It is ME.

Soaking up the Grace today... and relying on the Grace for tomorrow. I plan on looking at each of the Fruit of the Spirit and blogging about how I can live it out in my life and in my parenting. Join in as I try to put away the fruit loops and pull out the real fruit...the big juicy fresh fruit!